After decades of compounded trauma, I learned that my worth and safety were determined by the state of my physical being. Terrified of continued abandonment, isolation and punishment, I held no means for verbalizing my experience... Thus, birthing my disordered eating patterns as far back as elementary school.
From binging as a child, I seesawed between anorexia and bulimia into adulthood to cope with my inability to receive or trust support. My eating disorder was so normalized and encouraged in most of my circles, I didn’t learn (or think to consider) there was something inherently destructive about hurting myself. For years, I lived in a web of people and ideologies that fed off this lack of identity or self-worth, and my desperation for belonging and meaning. And for 143 dog years, I thought this was life.
Although there was very little I could “break free” from with the awareness I had, it wasn’t until I consciously chose to live in a different environment that my worldview began to crumble. For the first time, I had encountered people who simply lived differently. It was nothing special. They just existed in a state-of-mind I never knew possible.
It was in these moments of blinding (and painful) clarity, I saw how empty my life was. Again, I was presented with the opportunity to consciously choose my next step: death or a life learning unconditional love and true connection. Unfortunately, moving from Point A (hell) to Point B (mental eden) is not that simple. But, it was and remains a choice I make every day.
Next to my relationships, healing is my highest priority.
Over the past couple years, I harnessed my intuitive, inquisitive nature to explore hundreds of healing resources and modalities. From books to workshops to certification trainings, I feel deep purpose growing my understanding of mental, emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual well-being — and incredible agency deciding what is right for me.
I became an assertiveness coach, NLP practitioner and opinionated meditator. I love my tarot deck and astrology readings as much as my neuroscience and quantum physics readings. It’s crazy to me still but I actually enjoy life most days… all because one day I made a choice.
I chose me.